The Shariah of Pakistani Boys and Girls – پاکستانی لڑکی اور لڑکے کا دین

Parents in Pakistan are not happy with their young generation.  They complain that children and youth have lost their values.  They are not good Muslims.  They don’t respect.  They are not serious about their future.

Parents should ask themselves, where would their children learn to respect other human beings, to value life, to be a good Muslim, to be serious about humanity?

From schools?  Who is teaching in schools?  The teachers from families where moral values have no values anymore.

From politicians?  They are all extremely criminal minded and wicked.

From celebrities?  They are all lost in following and preaching western values and western ideologies.

From mullah and religious groups?  They are secular as they have disassociated themselves from community affairs.  How long are we going to depend on this non-active part and passive part of society?

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Parents and schools don’t develop those skills in their children which later on can help students to learn and research on their on.

America, Europe, India and the whole world is working hard to ban Shariah all over the world.  But who has banned Shari’ah in Pakistan?  Who stops parents from learning Qur’an and teach it to their children?  Why do they have to depend on molana sahib and madrasah?

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پاکستان میں عوام ہی کے قائم کئے ہوۓ مختلف عوامی طبقات میں شرم و حیا کے جو معیار ہیں ان میں کہیں

بھی کسی لڑکی سے شادی سے پہلے شادی کے موضوع پر گفتگو نہیں کی جا سکتی… بیوی، بہو، نند، بھابھی، ماں یا جو بھی کردار لڑکی کو ادا کرنے ہوتے ہیں شادی کے بعد، ان پر لڑکی سے کوئی بات نہیں کی جاتی… اور شوہر، داماد، سالا، بہنوئی، باپ یا جو بھی کردار لڑکے نے ادا کرنے ہیں، اس کا لڑکے کو احساس نہیں ہوتا… شادی کے بعد دین نے لڑکی اور لڑکے کے ذمہ کیا حقوق و فرائض دیے ہیں، دونوں کو ان سے غافل رکھا جاتا ہے… دونوں طرف کے والدین اور خود لڑکی اور لڑکا کبھی قرآن و احادیث کھول کر نہیں پڑھتے کہ انکا رب ان سے چاہتا کیا ہے… وہ رب جو ہر مصیبت میں ‘الرحمن’ اور ہر لمحہ ‘رحیم’ ہے…

کیا اتنے رحیم رب کا کلام بوجھ ہے مسلمان لڑکوں اور لڑکیوں پر؟  

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سچ یہ ہے کہ پاکستان میں ماں باپ ہی لڑکی اور لڑکے کا دین ہوتے ہیں، شادی سے پہلے بھی اور شادی کے بعد بھی… ماں باپ کی بنائی ہوئی رسمیں، ماں باپ سے ورثے میں ملی ہوئی روایات، ماں باپ کی مرضی، ماں باپ کی ناراضگی، ماں باپ کا غصّہ، ماں باپ کی دھمکیاں، ماں باپ کے حقوق… اور اس سے بھی زیادہ سچ بات یہ ہے کہ خود لڑکا اور لڑکی بھی نہیں جاننا چاہتے کہ انکے شادی کے بعد حقوق و فرائض کیا ہونگے… ورنہ قرآن و احادیث کی باتیں کوئی اتنی مشکل نہیں کہ ایک پندرہ سولہ سالہ لڑکی اور لڑکا نہ سمجھ سکیں… اس پورے منظر میں الله، اسکے رسول، اسکی کتاب کی حیثیت صرف ایک مذاق کی سی ہوتی ہے…

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ماں باپ اپنے اولاد کی زندگی میں سب سے زیادہ اہمیت اپنی چاہتے ہیں (اس میں فوجیوں کے والدین شامل نہیں ہیں)… اولاد انکی سنے، انکی فرمانبرداری کرے، انکے رسم و رواج کی پابندی کرے، انکی شان و عزت کا خیال رکھے، انکا نام روشن کرے، انکی عزت کی خاطراپنی خواہشات کا گلہ گھوٹے، انکے احسانات کا ذکر کرے… کسی بھی گھر کے اس پورے رب العالمین کا کہیں ذکر نہیں… وہ صرف مسجدوں میں بند ہے اور اسے مسجدوں تک محدود مولویوں مے نہیں کیا، بلکہ والدین نے کیا ہے… 

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کیا الله سبحانہ و تعالی والدین کو اولاد سے اس لئے نوازتے ہیں کہ ماں باپ انھیں الله رب العالمین کے نام اور اسکے پیغام سے غافل کردیں، اسکے احسانات یاد نہ کرائیں، اسکے رسولوں کے ذکر کے بجاۓ سارا کا سارا وقت بھانڈ تماشہ کرنے والوں کو دیکھتے سنتے گذار دیا جاۓ… اور کیا دنیا میں بھانڈ تماشہ لگانے والے رسولوں سے زیادہ شریعت اور انسانیت جانتے ہیں؟ 

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اور اس پر یہ حال کہ والدین خود الله سے ہی شکایت کرتے ہیں کہ انکی اولادیں انکی عزت نہیں کرتیں، احسان فراموش ہیں… یہ تو مکافات عمل ہے… 

الله عز و جل قرآن میں فرماتے ہیں… ”اور تم مجھے یاد رکھو، میں تمہیں یاد رکھوں گا اور تم سب میرے شکر گذار رہو اور کفر مت کرنا”… گویا الله کو یاد نہ کرنا اور ناشکری کرنا ہی تو کفر ہے…  سوره البقرہ کی یہ آیات کیا یہودیوں، عیسایوں اور ہندؤں کے لئے ہیں؟… 

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والدین اپنی اولاد کو خدا سے غافل رکھتے ہیں، اسکے پیغام اور اسکے وجود سے غافل رکھتے ہیں… نتیجہ یہ کہ خدا انکی اولادوں کے دل سے خود انکی ہی عزت اور خیال نکال دیتا ہے… یہ اپنے بچوں کو خدا ذوالجلال کے احسانات یاد نہیں کرتے… وہ بچوں کو ماں باپ کے احسانات بھلا دیتا ہے…

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کیونکہ دلوں کو بدلنے کی طاقت الله رب العزت میں ہے، انسان میں نہیں… 

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ہم فرانس میں نقاب کی پابندی پر آگ بگولہ ہیں، ہم کو امریکہ اور یورپ میں قرآن کی بے عزتی نظر آتی ہے… ہم کو قادیانیوں کی سازشیں نظر آتی ہیں قرآن اور رسول صلی الله علیہ وسلم کے خلاف… لیکن پاکستان کے گھروں میں کس نے شریعت پر عمل کرنے پر پابندی لگائی ہے؟  کس نے روکا ہے قرآن و حدیث کو سمجھنے کے لئے وقت نکالنے سے؟

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وہ دن جو بچوں کو بوڑھا کر دے گا – سوره المزمّل

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وہ دن جو بچوں کو بوڑھا کر دے گا – سوره المزمّل

یہ قیامت کے بارے میں کہا گیا ہے… لیکن ہمارے والدینوں نے اپنے بچوں پریہ قیامت پہلے ہی نازل کردی…

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والدین کے اپنے بچوں کو کم عمری میں زیادہ سے زیادہ اور انکے ذہن سے بڑھ کر علم دینے کے پاگل پن نے بچوں کو بچپنے میں ہی بوڑھا کردیا ہے… اور وہ بھی اس طرح  کہ ہربچہ ہر مضمون میں اوّل آۓ ورنہ وہ نکمّہ ہے…

اسکول ایڈ منسٹر یشنزکے اپنے اسکولوں کی مشہوری اور زیادہ سے زیادہ فیس لینے کی دوڑ نے بچوں کو بوڑھوں کی طرح تھکا دیا ہے… باہر سے درآمد شدہ سلیبس اور اپنے پسندیدہ، کھاتے پیتے رشوت دینے والے گھرانوں کے بچوں کو پوزیشنز دینا انکا بزنس چارم ہے… 

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مونٹیسری لیول اور پہلی دوسری جماعت تک تو بچے کسی نہ کسی طرح محنت کر کے کچھ کامیابی دکھاتے ہیں اور پھر تھکنا شروع ہو جاتے ہیں… آگے جماعتوں میں وہ بیزار نظرآتے ہیں… اکثر ماں باپ یہ کہتے نظر آتے ہیں کہ “بچپن میں یہ اتنا ذہین تھا، اب پتا نہیں کیا ہو گیا ہے پڑھتا ہی نہیں”…

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خود سوچیں کہ بچے تھکیں گے نہیں، پاگل نہیں ہونگے، بیزارنہیں ہونگے تو کیا کریں گے… اسکول کے دنوں میں ہڑتالیں اور چھٹیاں ہو جاتی ہیں اور پھر بچوں کو ہفتہ کو بلایا جاتا ہے… امتحانات کے زمانے میں کرکٹ اور دوسری اٹریکشنز رکھی جاتی ہیں… یا ہنگامے اور بجلی وغیرہ کی لوڈ شیڈنگ… 

پھرہر ٹیچر یہ کرتی ہے کہ ابھی ایک مضمون پڑھایا اور دوسرے تیسرے دن ٹیسٹ دے دیا… اس سے بھی بڑھ کر سرپرائز ٹیسٹ، جو کسی بھی دن لے لئے جاتے ہیں… انکے علاوہ فائنلز اور دوسرے امتحانات الگ ہیں… 

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موسم کی سختی اور غیرمعیاری جگہوں پر چھہ سات گھنٹے گزارنے کے بعد ٹرانسپورٹ کی تکلیفات اور پھر گھر آکر مولوی صاحب سے قرآن اور گھنٹوں ٹیوشن پڑھنا اور ٹیسٹ کی تیاری کرنا…  

یہ تعلیم دینے کا کونسا طریقہ ہے…

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Understanding of a 14 Year Old

Have you ever tried to listen to a teenager age 14, their feelings, their opinion, their reservations.  The adults usually think of them ‘underage’ to discuss anything while they are fantastic people inside.  These teenagers are not children, they are grown up people, they are passionate, they just need the right guidance.

Do Pakistani parents and teachers want to know how children feel about them?  Are Pakistani parents and teachers easy to talk to for their children?

FIRST CONVERSATION: NATIONAL AFFAIRS

Teen) Is there a shortage of water in Pakistan?

Ans) Yes, there is.

Teen) But we never had a shortage in our house.

Ans) That is because you are living in a city and you have built a well underground and use motor to pull water to the tank on your roof.  So you have a proper arrangement for 24 hour water supply.

Teen) Why don’t other people do the same arrangement?

Ans) May be they are poor and can’t afford this arrangement, they are uneducated and can’t think of all these methods.  One reason for shortage is that we waste gallons of water everyday.  So we are responsible for the shortage.

Teen) Why can’t we purify the sea water and make it drinkable?

Ans) It is a good idea and Gen. Pervaiz Musharraf had a planning on it but he couldn’t accomplish it.  Beside that, who’s gonna do it?

Teen) Who’s Pervaiz Musharraf? The government should do something about it.

Ans) Gen. Pervaiz Musharraf was the president of Pakistan right before Zardari and he belonged to Army.  Do you really think that this sitting government or any other government would ever do anything about these issues?

Teen) No, but someone should do this.

Ans) Who?

Teen) Us, we all together…

Ans) What do you mean by ‘us’ and ‘we all together’….. are you gonna do it , how?  Which people will come together?

Teen) No, I mean educated people, those who have completed their education and are jobless.  If government cannot do it, then they can hire educated people to do that.

Ans) Hmm, the government or our politicians would never do anything that has anything to do with the betterment of people…. and they would never  do anything that would provide job opportunities for educated people.

Teen) Then educated people do it themselves.

Ans) What do you think how much this project will cost? Where would they get the money from?

Teen) Rich people can collect money and hire educated young boys and girls.

Ans) Rich people won’t give their money for free, they will ask for planning in written.  The jobless educated lot will have to do this for free.  I mean do you think that educated boys and girls have ability to sit and think about it and then elaborate and illustrate on paper?  Do you think they would take interest in all this for free?  and let me tell you, if we don’t consider this an issue now, each and everyone including me and you would suffer from the shortage of water.

Teen) so we can’t do anything?

Ans) Why not, you read the chapter in your book, you got the idea which shows your concern about your country and people and exactly this is the purpose of education…. now you write about it on your blog and share it with others.

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SECOND CONVERSATION: FAMILY MATTERS

Q) At your age (of 14), if your parents ask you that how do you want them to treat you…what would you tell them?

Teen) Friendly…

Q) your parents are not friendly?

Teen) No

Q) What is your dream of life at this age?

Teen) Freedom

Q) What are most grateful to Allah for beside His regular blessings like food, clothes, home?

Teen) Having friends.

Q) That is it?

Teen) Ahan…

Q) What kind of freedom… what do you think what is freedom?

Teen) I want permission to go to my friends’ house and have fun.  Freedom means I do what I want to do.

Q) Do you think your parents would ever agree with you and grant you the kind of freedom you want?

Teen) No, they would never.  Mom will say that ask your dad and dad will listen to me, will tell me to go to my room and will be mad at mom that where am I learning all this from.

Q) So your father is the sole authority?

Teen) Yes..

Q) It means if you try to express yourself to your dad, your mom would automatically be in trouble?

Teen) Yes

Q) Hmmm, it means your dreams will never come true?

Teen) I know.

Q) What would you do then?

Teen) I don’t know.

Q) How about if a third person tries indirectly to make your parents realize where they are wrong?

Teen) He would listen to them the first time and then he would never listen to them.

Q) and have you thought where will you find such an adult, because adults support parents and they will advice you to listen to your parents and obey them?

Teen) Yeah, that is the point too.

Q) Do you feel angry about all this?

Teen) Yes, sometimes I feel very angry.

Q) Do you let out your anger?

Teen) Sometimes, and then I am being scolded (verbally).  They say, is this what you are learning in school.

Q) Your parents are not bad parents, right?

Teen) No, they love us.  They give us everything.  But I can’t do anything on my own.

Q) How about if you tell them that you just want freedom to spend some times with your friends and that is it?

Teen) They say, you get time in school and you use facebook… isn’t that enough?

Q) You can tell them that school is not a place for one on one friendly talks as other students and teachers are present there.  Facebook is a written expression and the family members are also there so it does not replace ‘face to face’ chatting.

Teen) They won’t listen.

Q) They don’t allow such ‘face to face’ friendship… is your mom friendly with you?

Teen) She is very friendly but there are few things that I cannot discuss with her.

Q) Like what?

Teen) I cannot tell you either.

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THIRD CONVERSATION: MONEY MATTERS

Q) Do you get pocket money?

Teen) No, mom and dad buy everything for us.  When we want to buy something of our own choice, they say, what will you do with this, this is useless.

Q) So, you want to have pocket money? Why?

Teen) Yes, so I can buy things of my choice.

Q) Do you think teenagers, boys or girls, at the age of 14 should be allowed to raise their own pocket money?

Teen) Yes

Q) Why? So when you go for shopping, the shopkeeper cannot cheat with you?

Teen) Yes

Q) Do you think your parents are easy to talk to about these issues?

Teen) No, they are not.  They say you are very young to know or talk about these things.

Q) But what if they get you into marriage after two years, like your mom got married at the age of 16?  Shouldn’t you know about all these issues?

Teen) I don’t know.  I don’t think about marriage.

Q) But if your father decides, then?

Teen) I don’t know.

Q) What if your parents find out who is teaching you all this, would I be in trouble?

Teen) Yes, you will lose your job.

Q) It means we both should be careful.

Teen) Yeah…

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FOURTH CONVERSATION: TEACHERS AND TUTORS

Q) What kind of experiences you had with tutors?

Teen) We had many tutors.  Mom hired one because she was double M.A. but she didn’t know how to teach so mom fired her.  We gave hard time to another one, made her run after us all around, she was also fired.

Q) So you never had a good tutor?

Teen) There was one, she was friendly but she got married.

Q) What qualities do you want to see in your teacher?

Teen) She should be friendly.  She should be able to help us in our homework.  She should satisfy us if we ask her something.

Q) Something what?

Teen) Like, if we ask her questions about things we have in our mind, we want to know about many things.

Q) Don’t you think this is too much to expect from a tutor, she is just there for one or two hours?

Teen) Yeah, but if we ask our teachers in school, they say “Why are you asking this? I don’t have time.  I will tell your mother.”… and if we ask our mom, she says “this is not your age to ask these question, go study”…

Q) Is it only you or all your friends feel this way?

Teen) We all do.

Q) What do you think of me?

Teen) You are okay.  You chat, you make us laugh, you talk to us, you help us in our homework, you teach other things too and you answer our questions.

FIFTH CONVERSATION: MORALITY

Q) Have you ever witnessed your teachers in school cheating or doing something wrong?

Teen) Yes, they help us in exams, not always but sometimes they write answers on board.

Q) Don’t you tell them that this is cheating?

Teen) If I say it, they will say that we are helping you and you are complaining about us.

Q) Do you think it is ok?

Teen) No

Q) So you know that cheating is bad and they shouldn’t do it?

Teen) Yes.

Q) Have you observed them lying to you?

Teen) When they cannot give any answer, they make excuses, they say “period is over, do it at home or I will tell you tomorrow”.

Q) How do you know that they are making excuses, may be they are right?

Teen) because they start looking here and there and they pause between words.

Q) Is this how you all observe everyone?

Teen) Yes, and then we talk about them when they are not there.

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Human Empowerment – مرد کے سکون اور عورت کے اختیار کی ابتدا

‘Women Empowerment’, what is so fascinating about this slogan?  And more stupid it sounded when thousands of men sent their women on streets to beg before a politician who being the citizen of another country, self-exiled for many years, promised them to help in getting their rights through Pakistani parliament.  It appeared to be even more hideous when women started the jalsa with emotional speeches and ended with singing and dancing for no reason.

Which rights and authority are they talking about – that women will not be treated inhumanly at homes (the homes that they had come from), get their rights of education and making decisions for their life?  These rights are already mentioned in both constitutions – Qur’an and the national constitution of Pakistan.  It is only that men and women don’t respect both of them and obey none.

Those women at Bagh-e-Jinnah were representing thirty or fourty thousand families of Karachi.  Were they there as a victim of their men’s injustice at home?  Then what would parliament do about this?  If Altaf Hussain is their saviour, as their quaid he can just order the Karachiite men to behave and that is it.  This way it would set an example for ‘macho man’ all over Pakistan.

So basically, what I think that this jalsa was arranged to achieve many goals, such as, diverting people’s attention from Balochistan issue and to warm Imran Khan to keep his hands off Karachi – but to solve women’s issues.

Just think about it.  There was no Altaf Hussain when Ms. Fatimah Jinnah, Mrs. Rana Liaquat Ali Khan and Mrs. Bilqees Edhi were born.  How these honourable ladies grew up to be so powerful and stepped forward with leading and administrative qualities.  Their men at home encouraged them and helped them, not the stupid strangers on the streets.

LEARNING is important for women.  Women need to learn how to read, write and calculate, how to raise their sons not as their supporting cane but as a useful citizens for all, how to discuss issues with their men at home and find their solution, how to keep their honour while being out on the streets.  Why do they wait for men to give them a purpose of life, define their status in society, teach them what Qur’an says about their status?

Men’s period of tranquility begins when they accept women as equal human beings and let them live and perform accordingly. Crushing women’s rights in the name of securing their honour and dignity results in men’s own destruction.

عبدالستار ایدھی کو پاکستان نے ایک شناخت دی جس کا بدلہ انہوں نے نیکیوں کے ایک ختم نہ ہونے والے سلسلے کو شروع کر کے دیا…اور آج ایدھی صاحب ذاتی طور پر ایک بہت بڑا نام ہی نہیں بلکہ پاکستان کی پہچان ہیں… 

١٩٢٨ گجرات میں پیدا ہو ۓ… انیس سال کی عمر میں ١٩٤٧ میں ہجرت کر کے پاکستان آۓ… ١٩٥١ میں اپنی مدد آپ کے اصولوں کے تحت ایدھی ٹرسٹ کے نام سے  میٹھادر میں ایک ڈسپنسری  قائم کر کے باقاعدہ فلاح وہ بہبود کا سلسلہ شروع کیا… ١٩٦٥ میں ٣٧ سال کی عمرمیں ١٨ سالہ  بلقیس ایدھی صاحبہ سے شادی کی جو کے انکی ہی ڈسپنسری میں نرس تھیں… انکے دو بیٹوں اور دو بیٹیوں نے اپنے والدین کے نقش قدم پر چلتے ہو ۓ انکے مشن میں انکا ساتھہ دیا… 

انسانوں کی فلاح و بہبود کے اسلامی تصور کو عملی طور پر ثابت جس طرح ان دونوں نے کیا، آج کے زمانے میں اور پاکستان میں اسکی مثال نہیں ملتی… 

انکی کامیابی کا راز کیا ہے… دونوں میاں بیوی کوئی خاص تعلیم یافتہ نہیں… دولتمند بھی نہیں تھے… دونوں انگلش سے بلکل فارغ… لیکن بچے پڑھے لکھے بلکہ فیصل ایدھی تو ڈاکٹر ہیں… سٹائلش بھی نہیں… لیکن حکومت کی برابری کی سطح پر ایک فلاحی نظام قائم کر کے دکھانا اور چلانا بہت بڑا کارنامہ ہے… کونسی فلاحی عامه کی سروس ہے جسکا ایدھی فاونڈیشن  نے انتظام نہیں کیا ہوا ہے… 

انکی اہلیہ بلقیس ایدھی صاحبہ گو کہ کبھی کبھی ایدھی صاحب کی ایک شوہر کی حیثیت سے.شکایات کرتی نظر آتی ہیں .. لیکن انہوں نے ایدھی صاحب کا جس طرح ساتھہ دیا خاص طور پر خواتین کے معاملات حل کرنے میں اور انکو صحیح سوچ دینے میں، انکو عزت کا راستہ دکھانے میں، انکو ایک چھت مہیا کرنے میں… وہ انکا بڑا کارنامہ ہی نہیں بلکہ انکی حکمت اور سمجھداری کی علامت ہے… ایدھی صاحب لا کھہ کوشش سے بھی خواتین کے لئے خود کچھ نہیں کر سکتے تھے… 

مادرملّت اور رعنا لیاقت علی خان کی  قائدانہ اور انتظامی صلاحیتیں تمام پاکستانی خواتین کا لئے مثال ہیں… محترمہ فاطمه جناح اور رعنا لیاقت علی خان کے بعد بلقیس ایدھی صاحبہ تیسری خاتون ہیں جنہوں نے اپنے عورت ہونے کا ہر لحاظ سے بہترین استعمال کیا… اور اپنے ہی گھر کے مردوں کے ساتھہ مل کر پاکستان کی بہتری کے لئے کام کیا… عورتوں کے حقوق، آزادی، اختیار کیا ہوتا ہے کس حد تک ہوتا ہے اور اسے پاکستان کی عزت، معاشرتی قدروں اوردینی حدود کو قائم رکھتے ہوۓ کس طرح استعمال کیا جاتا ہے، کس طرح خود کوعورتیں قابل بھروسہ اورقابل عمل بنا سکتی ہیں… ان خواتین نے سکھایا… 

یہ وہ خواتین ہیں جن کو سخت ترین حالات ملے کام کرنے کے لئے، اپنی صلاحیتوں کو منوانے کے لئے، عورت کی طاقت اور ہمّت کا صحیح مظاہرہ کرنے کے لئے، عورت کا ایک انسان ہونے کے ناطے اپنا حق اور اختیار استعمال کرنے کے لئے، عورت کے درست اور بروقت فیصله  کرنے کی اہلیت دکھانے کے لئے … انکو عیش وعشرت، سہولتوں، گھر کی چار دیواری میں بیٹھ کر معاشرے کو جہنّم بنانے کے طریقوں، چار نوالوں اور پانچ کپڑوں اور چند زیورات کے لئے سازش اور چالاکیاں کرنے، شوہر کو قابو کرنے اور بھائیوں کو بھڑکانے کے منصوبوں سے کوئی سروکار نہ تھا… انکی زندگی کا مقصد اپنے جسم کی چوٹی چوٹی خواہشات پوری کرنا نہیں تھا بلکہ پاکستان جیسے تحفے کا احترام کرنا، اس خطہ زمین کا نام روشن کرنا اور اپنی قوم کے لوگوں کو انکے پیروں پر کھڑا کرنا اور انھیں خودداری کا راستہ دکھانا تھا…

اگر انکے گھر کے مرد انکی راہ میں رکاوٹ بنتے تو کیا یہ اتنا سب کچھ کر پاتیں؟  یا اگر یہ خواتین اپنے مردوں کی راہ کی رکاوٹ بن جاتیں تو وہ مستقل مزاجی کے ساتھ کام کر پاتے؟  کیا تحریک پاکستان کامیاب ہوتی اور پاکستانی میں اتنے بڑے بڑے فلاحی ادارے قائم ہوتے؟  تو بات ساری ہے ایک دوسرے کو سمجھنے کی…. معاشرے ہمیشہ سے مردوں کے ہاتھوں میں رہے ہیں اور شاید قیامت تک رہیں گے… کامیاب صرف وہ معاشرے ہو ۓ جہاں مردوں نے خواتین کو انسان تسلیم کیا اور پہلے انکو انکے حقوق اور عزت انکے گھروں میں دئے…. 

چاہے معامله عورتوں کو گھرکی چار دیواری کے اندر بٹھاکر رکھنے کا ہو یا تعلیم، ملازمت یا کسی بھی مقصد کے لئے گھر سے باہر جانے کی اجازت دینے کا… ملک و قوم کی ترقی اور خوشحالی تب ہی ہوتی ہے جب ایک خاندان کی عورتیں اور مرد مل کر کوئی فیصلہ کرتے ہیں، کسی بھی قسم کے حالات میں کوئی متفقہ راستہ اختیار کرتے ہیں، گھر کے اندر انصاف اور آزادی را ۓ کی فضا پیدا کرتے ہیں… ہر رشتہ دوسرے رشتے کی آزادی اور حقوق کا خیال رکھتا ہے… ایک گھر کے افراد ایک دوسرے پر بھروسہ کرتے ہیں… 

یہ ہوتی ہے مرد کے سکون اور عورت کے اختیار کی ابتدا… جب مرد اور عورت مل کرخوشی خوشی  ذمہ داریاں بانٹ لیتے ہیں… جس کو جو آسان لگے اور وہ اسے ایک طویل عرصے تک انجام دے سکے…

 

Wonders of Parenting

Once a parent, a parent forever.  This phrase is usually said to be true for mothers, “Once a mother is a mother forever” or if it is not then I just said it so.  I actually learned it from a famous Pakistan playwright Bano Qudsiyah’s play “Sanwal Mor Moharan”.  It is true for fathers in some cases too.

Carrying an organism for nine months in their wombs, suffering from the biological changes it goes through, is a reason enough to respect women as sacred human beings.  This whole process is a wonder that most women produce many times so happily.  Mothers are used as a bearer and courier for delivering humans into this world but that does not allow them to play God for their children.

Fathers initiate the process and do not stop struggling for their existence till the last moment.

In general, raising children is called parenting.  How parents raise their children defines them as a good or bad parent.  It is a process of taking care of children, educate them, train them to be a good human being and guide them how they can live a happy life.

In Islam, parenting is not only a big responsibility but a way of worshiping God.  Muslim parents unlike other parents are obliged to educate their children with the fundamentals of Islam too.  They cannot avoid it.  How do they manage to do that is a challenge for them and this is what they will be inquired about on the Day of Judgement.

Parenting is like growing up with your child again and with two or more children, again and again.   You experience your childhood in a different way, perhaps the way you think you should have been brought up by your parents.

If we really believe in ‘once a parent a parent forever’, then parenting should be done in two ways; directly and indirectly.

Direct way is to raise them, take care of them, educate them, prepare them to face challenges and leave them on their own.  The best way parents can help in building a society is by keeping their own children save from its negative impacts.

Indirect way can be the next step after direct parenting.  After raising their own children, parents just can’t sit home satisfied that their job is done, while their children are out there facing trials.  Parents can take part in building society for the ease of their own children.  If they don’t get involve in indirect parenting, their efforts for direct parenting may result in low, zero or negative.  They need to understand that when their children are out there, parents just can’t sit home and assume that their children out there will be fine.

What is the best part of parenting?  The best part of parenting is to make children understand that one day, they will become parents and then grandparents.  Whatever the circumstances they are born under, they have to think about their comfortable future and untroubled old age.

Is parenting supposed to be for life time?  Direct parenting, I don’t think so.  The purpose of parenting is to prepare children to live an independent life and be able to make wise decisions.  Parenting stops when children become adult enough to understand their responsibilities and are ready to live on their own.  Aren’t 20 or 25 years a good enough time to transform an infant into a qualified and capable asset of society.

Is parenting fun?  Parenting is fun when parents spend time with their children.  Joining children in their activities, showing them colours in nature, reading stories to them, singing them rhymes, sharing pleasant memories with them is all fun.  Parents rejoice the moments when they witness a rightful personality development in their children.

In Pakistan, parenting is either fun or a burden.  Fun for elite as they produce heirs.  Burden for the rest as they HAVE TO take care of them.  Normally, children just grow because parents refused to take responsibility of reproductive sentiments.

Parents in Pakistan devote themselves to their children for life time.  They think this is necessary for family bonding.

Pakistan is basically a family oriented society.  People are more devoted to their families than to community and country.  While earning for their families, they totally ignore their duties as a citizens of a country or as a member of community.  This attitude is totally against Islamic teachings.  Such a society falls more rapidly into crimes and provides culprits with all the moral facilities to produce more evil.  Parents don’t realize that their children will bring that evil home one day and that will be too late for parents to do anything about it.  Unless they go outside and start correcting the society.

One problem of parenting in Pakistan is that parents desire their children to grow in a new environment but they always let them down by mentioning their own childhood as a better time.  While comparing the two time periods, parents should remember their children are missing that fun because of them.  So, either parents should be grateful to their parents and condemn themselves for being bad parents or they should appreciate what their children are going through.

Another negative aspect of our society is that, that the family members become rapacious.  ”Whatever I am earning is for my wife and my children or my husband’s income is all mine and nobody else has a right on it or my wife should spend every single penny at home or I should decide where to spend my son’s salary.”  This is just the opposite of Qur’anic teachings.

“And those in whose wealth there is a known right, for the beggar who asks, and for the unlucky who has lost his property and wealth..” Surah Al-Ma’arij

“They ask you, (O Muhammad), what they shall spend.  Say, that which you spend for good (must go) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy and the wayfarer…”  Surah Al-Baqarah/The Cow 215

Pakistan is naturally an emotional society.  A majority of them don’t believe in reasoning and deal with matters emotionally.  Parents can’t take ‘no’ from their children and get emotional – tears, threats, thunder, termination – all the temperamental tools are being tested to change ‘no’ into ‘yes’.

Children who are brought up emotionally usually don’t behave rational and so, they lose many chances to grow and glow.

Pakistan, habitually is an extremist society.  Parents think, act and react at extremes.  They would sacrifice anything when they are in love with their children and then expect the return at same intensity.  Then they would take away anything from their children when they are angry with them.

Religiously, parents don’t follow Islam as a way of life but as an issue of who is right and who is wrong.  They eiter  Children grow hyper and with short-temperament in this suffocated environment.  They let out this frustration on society, without figuring out that their own family is the part of it.

Pakistani parents have their own reasons for being social.  According to them, children learn to live in family through wedding, aqiqah, roza kushai and birthday ceremonies.  They learn the importance of religion through milad, Qur’an khwani and dars.  They learn about their culture from basant and movies.

In last few decades, parenting has lost its essence in Pakistan.  Parents don’t set any guideline for themselves and for their children.

Life for children can be a lot easier if parents in Pakistan just remember one thing.  No era in any region was ever perfect, except that which was ruled by prudent majority and that rarely happened.  So, no matter what circumstances they are dealing with, if they have children, good parenting should be their first priority.