Wonders of Parenting
February 18, 2012 Leave a comment
Once a parent, a parent forever. This phrase is usually said to be true for mothers, “Once a mother is a mother forever” or if it is not then I just said it so. I actually learned it from a famous Pakistan playwright Bano Qudsiyah’s play “Sanwal Mor Moharan”. It is true for fathers in some cases too.
Carrying an organism for nine months in their wombs, suffering from the biological changes it goes through, is a reason enough to respect women as sacred human beings. This whole process is a wonder that most women produce many times so happily. Mothers are used as a bearer and courier for delivering humans into this world but that does not allow them to play God for their children.
Fathers initiate the process and do not stop struggling for their existence till the last moment.
In general, raising children is called parenting. How parents raise their children defines them as a good or bad parent. It is a process of taking care of children, educate them, train them to be a good human being and guide them how they can live a happy life.
In Islam, parenting is not only a big responsibility but a way of worshiping God. Muslim parents unlike other parents are obliged to educate their children with the fundamentals of Islam too. They cannot avoid it. How do they manage to do that is a challenge for them and this is what they will be inquired about on the Day of Judgement.
Parenting is like growing up with your child again and with two or more children, again and again. You experience your childhood in a different way, perhaps the way you think you should have been brought up by your parents.
If we really believe in ‘once a parent a parent forever’, then parenting should be done in two ways; directly and indirectly.
Direct way is to raise them, take care of them, educate them, prepare them to face challenges and leave them on their own. The best way parents can help in building a society is by keeping their own children save from its negative impacts.
Indirect way can be the next step after direct parenting. After raising their own children, parents just can’t sit home satisfied that their job is done, while their children are out there facing trials. Parents can take part in building society for the ease of their own children. If they don’t get involve in indirect parenting, their efforts for direct parenting may result in low, zero or negative. They need to understand that when their children are out there, parents just can’t sit home and assume that their children out there will be fine.
What is the best part of parenting? The best part of parenting is to make children understand that one day, they will become parents and then grandparents. Whatever the circumstances they are born under, they have to think about their comfortable future and untroubled old age.
Is parenting supposed to be for life time? Direct parenting, I don’t think so. The purpose of parenting is to prepare children to live an independent life and be able to make wise decisions. Parenting stops when children become adult enough to understand their responsibilities and are ready to live on their own. Aren’t 20 or 25 years a good enough time to transform an infant into a qualified and capable asset of society.
Is parenting fun? Parenting is fun when parents spend time with their children. Joining children in their activities, showing them colours in nature, reading stories to them, singing them rhymes, sharing pleasant memories with them is all fun. Parents rejoice the moments when they witness a rightful personality development in their children.
In Pakistan, parenting is either fun or a burden. Fun for elite as they produce heirs. Burden for the rest as they HAVE TO take care of them. Normally, children just grow because parents refused to take responsibility of reproductive sentiments.
Parents in Pakistan devote themselves to their children for life time. They think this is necessary for family bonding.
Pakistan is basically a family oriented society. People are more devoted to their families than to community and country. While earning for their families, they totally ignore their duties as a citizens of a country or as a member of community. This attitude is totally against Islamic teachings. Such a society falls more rapidly into crimes and provides culprits with all the moral facilities to produce more evil. Parents don’t realize that their children will bring that evil home one day and that will be too late for parents to do anything about it. Unless they go outside and start correcting the society.
One problem of parenting in Pakistan is that parents desire their children to grow in a new environment but they always let them down by mentioning their own childhood as a better time. While comparing the two time periods, parents should remember their children are missing that fun because of them. So, either parents should be grateful to their parents and condemn themselves for being bad parents or they should appreciate what their children are going through.
Another negative aspect of our society is that, that the family members become rapacious. “Whatever I am earning is for my wife and my children or my husband’s income is all mine and nobody else has a right on it or my wife should spend every single penny at home or I should decide where to spend my son’s salary.” This is just the opposite of Qur’anic teachings.
“And those in whose wealth there is a known right, for the beggar who asks, and for the unlucky who has lost his property and wealth..” Surah Al-Ma’arij
“They ask you, (O Muhammad), what they shall spend. Say, that which you spend for good (must go) to parents and near kindred and orphans and the needy and the wayfarer…” Surah Al-Baqarah/The Cow 215
Pakistan is naturally an emotional society. A majority of them don’t believe in reasoning and deal with matters emotionally. Parents can’t take ‘no’ from their children and get emotional – tears, threats, thunder, termination – all the temperamental tools are being tested to change ‘no’ into ‘yes’.
Children who are brought up emotionally usually don’t behave rational and so, they lose many chances to grow and glow.
Pakistan, habitually is an extremist society. Parents think, act and react at extremes. They would sacrifice anything when they are in love with their children and then expect the return at same intensity. Then they would take away anything from their children when they are angry with them.
Religiously, parents don’t follow Islam as a way of life but as an issue of who is right and who is wrong. They eiter Children grow hyper and with short-temperament in this suffocated environment. They let out this frustration on society, without figuring out that their own family is the part of it.
Pakistani parents have their own reasons for being social. According to them, children learn to live in family through wedding, aqiqah, roza kushai and birthday ceremonies. They learn the importance of religion through milad, Qur’an khwani and dars. They learn about their culture from basant and movies.
In last few decades, parenting has lost its essence in Pakistan. Parents don’t set any guideline for themselves and for their children.
Life for children can be a lot easier if parents in Pakistan just remember one thing. No era in any region was ever perfect, except that which was ruled by prudent majority and that rarely happened. So, no matter what circumstances they are dealing with, if they have children, good parenting should be their first priority.